Southern California Message Boards

It was time for a change.

The daily flat out and back road ride in the wind was getting old. It was getting smelly and crappy too as the local sheep herder's been running 1000 head or so all over the Hwy 58 frontage roads that have become so boring and bland. All of my cycling clothes now have a sheepdip stripe from @ss upward.

I decided to be daring and bold. I brought the mountain bike to work - wow! It has brought about a thrilling change in me and I know my life will never be the same!

Today I plowed through and ran over flat deeply sanded fire roads in the wind. I found the sheep and they were everywhere, bleating and scattering all around me. I wished that I'd brought my unicycle as the extremely tight turning radius and my extremely tight @ss would have negotiated more easily through the wooly conflagration. I threaded through the charging sheep but lost my balance for a second and accidentally mounted one - being that I'm such a seasoned and skilled rider, I instantly finessed my fully rigid frame in and out of that baaaad situation. I stopped, we lit up for a few brief puffs and I was on my way. As I took command of the challenging dead straight power pole access road, I savored the moment and relished in the fact that most so-called mountain bikers have never attempted this radical flavor of riding. I am just so bitchin and so profound!

As I skillfully negotiated the sepentine strip of gravel up onto the railroad access road, I reflected on the ride so far. Sand, wool and lanolin do not mix and my pecker was feeling a bit raw - lessons learned for the soul. I ground out the remaining suffering mile though because I am a tough SOB who rides all kinds of manly bikes - just because. If you don't understand, you never will and so I'll have to respond with clever put-downs to all of your internet board postings wherever they may be. In fact, I will never ride with any of you because you are not among the amazing and talented riders that are my exclusive spoken junk posse.

The wool seat cover tantalizes me with textures of tomorrows ride. Life is good!